It was a moment I knew I would never forget. I can still see it now:
Yvonne, a woman whose home had become this small hospice in the middle of a Jamaican town, shifts her gaze slowly around the rather tiny room…the same room that contained the entirety of her current living space. We had been talking for a while.
But what she said next took me completely off guard:
“God is good. I’ve lived a good life.” She takes a second to pause again as she formulates the words: “He has been good to me. I am happy with that.”
There was no window in the room. However, some natural light spilled onto her face from those of the adjoining rooms. A gentle breeze crept in as well. She sat in a chair as a hospice worker firmly braided her hair.
Originally, I came into the hospice with the mindset that it would be a really somber experience. I figured that the patients would be nearing death in a way that would be really difficult to face. However, that wasn’t what I found. What I found was hope: hope where the world says there shouldn’t be…where the world says you have hit the end….that the fight has been lost and you are no longer significant.
See, when given the choice of where to do outreach, I chose the hospice because I figured that if I were about to die, I wouldn’t want to be alone. I wanted to show these people that we loved them and that God hadn’t forgotten about them.
But here’s the thing I didn’t expect to see: they were NOT alone. And that was CLEAR. I had forgotten that with the reach of God’s fingers, there are NO “forgotten people”. In a city as large as New York or in one as small as Montego Bay…God knows them all. Not only that, but He CARES for them all.
But when we stray away from God, it’s common to think that He just forgets about us. Or even if we don’t stray, we assume that if we do, we will simply be left behind by our Lord…of no importance to Him. What is one life among so many others?
I think this is because we neglect to realize that Jesus that didn’t just die for ALL, but for YOU. Yes, you. We often forget that the macro-redemption of humanity is also a micro-redemption of our own individual selves. You aren’t excused from His grace.
In other words, if Christ were given the choice to die on that cross for no one else but YOU, He would STILL DO IT.
He would die for Yvonne too.
That’s truly crazy to me- even as I sit here writing it. It sounds too good to be true. In a world full of people constantly letting us down, not sticking to their word, and straight up forgetting about our worth as human beings, dying for someone for the sake of real love sounds insane. If someone asked you to die for them..JUST for them…would you do it?
I’d like to say that I would. But I know the truth in my human heart that I would find any possible way out of it. I would make excuses. I would remove myself from the situation. I would let fear control me. I would run.
That’s the difference between Jesus and us. While we run away FROM life or death situations, He runs TO them.
And redeems them.
So while some people see a hospice and shed a tear, Jesus sheds a tear and comes NEAR. But more than that, I knew as I looked intently into the eyes of Yvonne that He was HERE. He’s always HERE. In the moments you wish you could rewrite. In the days where you feel ashamed of yourself for straying away from God. In a small hospice tucked on a mountainside of Jamaica.
& Yvonne is proof of this:
See, Yvonne is no super human. She is dying…as we all are and someday will do. But she was happy. She had real joy. She looked at her circumstances and the brokenness that accompanied it…but still saw Jesus.
The world would look at her and say death is coming. However, after talking to her, I’m pretty sure she would look at you in the eye and say that no, instead: JESUS is coming.